Leadership
by Shell-Shocked-NinjaTurtleGal
Summary: For as long as he can remember, Leo's had to uphold the role as leader for his brothers. But leadership is harder than anyone could know. One night, Leo has a conversation with April about the price of leadership, and the three people he didn't want to ever know about his troubles over-hear. No tcest. No Leo/April romance. 2k14 verse!


**Hey everyone! Thanks for keeping up with my stories so far!**

**You know most of this stuff already: disclaimer on my profile, Japanese term translations at the bottom of the story!**

**If I make anyone OOC, please tell me how I can write them better!**

**I hope you all enjoy reading, and please review to tell me what you think o's this oneshot!**

* * *

Leo breathed deeply, trying to focus his mind. He had to block everything out, had to focus...Focus...Peace...

Bright blue eyes snapped open when there was the slam of a door opening harshly, and the yelling of his brothers.

Leo sighed deeply. It seemed Mikey had done something to irritate Raph. _Again_. Giving up on his meditation, he stood and left his room, shutting the door quietly behind himself. He went down the hall, searching for his brothers, hoping to calm them.

It was his job as the leader to ensure they fought their enemies, not each other.

Leo scowled. That thought disgusted him.

_As the leader_, he'd lost his childhood. _As the leader_, he'd had to train long and hard from the tender tender age of ten to now, meaning he hadn't gotten precious time with his little brothers. _As the leader_...he had to face the fact that any wrong decision he made could end with his brothers being harmed.

Sometimes he dearly wished he wasn't the leader. But if he wasn't, then that burden would be forced on someone else. No, he'd rather shoulder it by himself.

Going down to the main level, Leo found Raph yelling and chasing around a laughing Mikey. Donnie and April sat on the couch, watching as if it were a tennis match. There was no sign of Splinter, but Leo supposed he was in his room, not bothered by the noise of his squabbling sons.

With a sigh, Leo moved over to the couch.

"Alright, what happened?" He asked Donnie, hands resting on the back of the couch.

"Mikey put oil on the pull-up bar in Raph's room. Raph went to use it, and..."

Leo groaned, rubbing at his eyes.

"Mikey..." He muttered to himself. Sometimes Mike had far too much energy for his own good. Leo straightened with a sigh. "Alright, I'll sort it out."

Don hummed.

"Probably a good idea. I need to get back to fixing the microwave, it's on the fritz again." He replied, standing up.

Leo watched his brother leave the room, and April looked up at him.

"Anyway I can help?"

The blue-clad leader smiled, chuckling.

"Nah. I've got it." He replied, rolling his shoulders. "Just duck in cover if Raph's temper blows up."

"Got it." She laughed, watching him approach Raph (who was, rather amusingly, chasing Mikey around the coffee table).

"Raphael!" Leo barked, voice raised to be heard over his immediate younger brother's yelling.

Raph and Mikey froze, looking up, both slightly surprised.

Leo moved over, placing a hand on Raph's shoulder.

"That's enough. Just let it go."

"But tha' chucklehead-!"

Leo ignored the accusing finger Raph pointed at Mikey.

"You know Mike. He's been going crazy, with it being winter and us being unable to go uptop as often as we usually do. Don has his inventions, you have weightlifting, I have training, and Mikey has his little pranks." Raph tried to move around Leo, but the older terrapin shifted to remain in his way. "And they're _harmless_, Raph. Harmless little jokes."

Mikey took to hiding behimd the couch as Leo talked reason into his brother. Raph growled as he glared at Mike, and Leo hurriedly went about fully dissarming the situation.

"Look, why don't you train in the dojo, blow off some steam? I'll make sure to talk with Mikey personally."

Raph scowled, snorting as he turned.

"As if tha' ev'r does any good." The red-clad turtle muttered, before storming off, into the dojo.

For a moment, sadness flickered across Leo's face, but it was shoved down just as quickly as it had come. He turned to Mikey, who was beaming.

"Aw, dude! That was awesome! His face when he slipped off the pull-up bar? Totally priceless! Thanks for the save, Leo! I owe ya one!"

"Mikey, you need to-"

"I should get dinner ready, we're having homemade pizza!" The youngest turtle ran off towards the kitchen. "And there'll be an extra slice, just for you, bro!"

"Mikey-!" Leo tried, only to have Mikey disappear into the kitchen. Voice fading, Leo then sighed, sitting on the couch beside April. The young woman smiled at him encouragingly.

"I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?" The turtle asked, raising an eye-ridge as he grabbed the nearby TV remote and began to casually channel surf, making sure the volume was low so that he could hear his human friend.

"In the past eight months that I've been hanging around, I've noticed that you're the one who keeps the peace around here. And with three brothers? I don't think _anyone_ could handle that."

Leo laughed dryly.

"Yeah, well, add me to that list. You saw: I never managed to talk with Mikey like I told Raph I would."

April giggled slightly, brushing a strand of dark hair away from her eyes.

"Yeah, well, you're doing a much better job than most would."

A bitter smile came to the blue-clad turtle's face as he slowly set down the remote.

"It's my job as leader." He replied quietly.

Confusion came to April's delicate features.

"What do you mean?"

Leo was silent for a moment, lips pursed as he debated whether to tell April everything that weighed so heavy on his heart. He looked up at her, taking in her worry-filled eyes and earnest face. Finally, he breathed out a gentle sigh, leaning back into the couch cushions.

"Like I said, it's my job as _leader_," He spat out the word as though it were poison on his tongue. "To ensure my brothers fight our enemies, not each other."

April looked down, face falling.

"Oh."

Neither spoke for a minute or so, before April broke the silence.

"So...what else do you have to do as leader?" She asked cautiously, staring up at him through her eyelashes.

Leo looked at her, surprised, then his face fell and he looked at his hands in his lap.

"There's a lot, I doubt either of us have time for the whole list. Shell, it took Master Splinter _years_ to teach it to me."

"Well how about the top ten?" The woman beside him lightly joked. Leo gave a half-hearted laugh, the sound soft and warm, pleasing to the ear.

"Yeah, clever. Let's see..."

The teenage mutant stood, pacing slowly as he thought for a second.

"Where to start..? Well, from the age of ten, I haven't gotten time with my brothers, not nearly as much as I wish I could." He folded his arms over his chest, frowning. "I've had to train more than anyone could believe. Sometimes I'd have to start training as early as four a.m, and other times I'd have to train as late as midnight."

Green hands clenched into fists, jaw tight, blue eyes flaring.

"I can't show many emotions. Can't show fear or worry, and sometimes it makes me it want to _scream_!" Seeing the look of surprise on April's face, Leo quickly continued. "D-Don't get me wrong! I don't blame Master Splinter, he doesn't even know that I view my role like, well, like _this_. All the training and stuff...he just wanted..._wants_ to make sure I can protect and lead the others."

April took note of how Leo had changed from past to present tense, and her brows furrowed as she thought for a moment.

"So this extra training...is that why your always so tired?"

Leo blushed a soft dark green, coughing awkwardly.

"O-oh. You noticed that, huh?"

April grinned.

"_Hai_."

Leo looked at her in shock, eyes wide. He then laughed, sitting beside the young woman.

"You've been hanging around me too much, I think. Now you're _talking_ like me."

"You make it sound like a bad thing." She teased, shifting so her legs were curled up on the couch. "Anyways, you were saying?"

The turtle nodded, elbows resting on his knees.

"Yeah..." He cleared his throat, voice growing strong once more. "Yeah. What else do you want to know?"

The human woman hummed, leaning a bit against Leo's side. The touch helped ground Leo, and he appreciated it.

"Whatever you'd like to tell me. Sounds like there's a lot you need to get off your back- er, shell?" She gave a sound of frustration. "Agh, you know what I mean!"

Leo chuckled, ducking his head slightly. April smiled, the expression welcoming.

"Just talk. It'll do you good." She said, tone one of gentle persuasion. The turtle sighed, nodding.

"I guess. Just...I don't know where to start."

Silence fell, Leo thinking and April waiting patiently. Finally, Leo groaned, burying his head in his hands.

"I never _asked_ to be leader. I'm the oldest, was responsible even when I was little, so I guess I was the first and obvious choice, but..."

"You never wanted it." April finished for him. Leo sat up, inclining his head as he stared at the flickering images on the TV.

"_Hai_."

"Then why didn't you tell Master Splinter?" April asked, frowning. "I'm sure he would've understood, he no doubt still will-"

"And force the burden on someone else?" Leo demanded, gaze snapping to April. "I wouldn't do that, not to our brothers."

A smile curled at April's lips at how Leo refered to the others as 'their' brothers. But the smile fell away as Leo looked down, sadness consuming his soft features.

"I couldn't do that, not to them. Never. Being leader...they like to joke, but it's tough. Far harder than they think."

"They handled the Shredder." April pointed out. Leo nodded, a small smile on his face.

"Yes, I know. I've never been prouder of them than I was in that moment." His face then fell. "Even still...this burden is mine to shoulder. I plan on letting the others live their lives to the fullest."

"What does that have to do with having a leadership role?" April asked, confused.

"Because the role as leader just about takes up your entire life. A leader has to follow his head at all times, not his heart, and must do what it takes to get the job done. Raph would go crazy trying to do those things, as big as his heart is." Leo stood once more, beginning to pace. "Leadership takes dedication, day and night. Donnie's fascination with his inventions and such, he would lose what he loves to do if he were leader. And Mikey?"

A small laugh left Leo, though it was one of endearment.

"Well, being leader requires focus, and as we all know, Mikey has none."

April giggled as well, brushing a hand through her dark hair.

"True."

Leo smiled, but then his face fell yet again, eyes turning to the floor.

"The point is...I'm trapped. For my brothers to continue on happily, I have to continue on in this role I despise. This...feels so strange, actually talking about it. I've never told anyone, not Master Splinter, or the others, I suppose, though, that's why they joke about it so much."

April grimaced, standing. She moved over to Leo, placing a small, delicate hand on the terrapin's arm.

"That must hurt...having them take so lightly something that's taken over most of your life."

The woman felt muscles bunch in the arm her hand rested on, and Leo looked away. The turtle swallowed the lump that had suddenly grown in his throat. He then, ever so slowly, nodded.

"H..._Hai_. But..._Genki Desu_."

His blue eyes hesitantly flickered to April's face, and he saw nothing but pure understanding. She'd been keeping his family a secret, so she was more than capable of keeping his.

"It's so hard...if my brothers ever get hurt, it's my fault." The blue-clad terrapin squeezed his eyes shut. "One mistake and my whole family can be put in danger...one, single mistake, and I-..."

His voice cracked slightly with emotion, and Leo had to pause for a moment to compose himself. April waited patiently for him to continue, which he finally did.

"My brother's have always called me 'fearless leader', but truth is...I'm always terrified, leading them into a fight. And it hurts, too, when they always see me training and assume that I want to be better than them. 'Splinter Jr.', they sometimes call me." He gave a bitter laugh. "Not very original, but still..."

Leo turned blue eyes on April, the sapphire orbs dim with despair.

"I've never thought I was better to them, I never tried to be! You believe me...Right?"

His tone was pleading, as was his gaze. The young woman quickly shook her head, her lips curled in a frown.

"What? No, of course not."

A soft, breathy sigh of relief left Leo, and he turned to face her fully, leaning down and hugging her, careful to not accidentally hurt her with his genetically altered strength.

"_Arigato, shimai_."

April pulled back slightly, looking at him in confusion.

"_Shimai_? What's that mean?"

Leo smiled down at her, blue eyes warm.

"It means 'sister'."

The woman blinked, surprised, then beamed, returning the hug that her 'brother' was giving.

They were unaware of three others who had listened to the entire conversation.

* * *

Mikey and Don looked at each other, shock, sadness and guilt in their eyes. Do. Leaned against one of the kitchen counters, gears turning in his head, while Mikey dropped into one of the kitchen table chairs.

"Dude..." He managed to whisper, voice slightly wavering.

"I can't believe it." Donnie mumbled, shoulders sagging. "How could we not have seen...shell, I feel so stupid."

"_I_ feel like a jerk." Mikey stated, voice uncharacteristically low.

Donnie looked up at his younger brother, then moved over, hand resting on the orange-clad turtle's shell.

"Me too, Mikey...Me too."

* * *

Inside the dojo, Raph leaned against the wall beside the dojo door. He slid down slowly, sitting on the ground, emerald eyes showing pain. For years, he'd taunted Leo, yelled at him, believing his brother's long, intense training sessions were because he wished to be better at Ninjitsu than Mikey, Don and Raph himself.

But he couldn't have been more wrong. All the training was because of the role Leo had been forced into. Whenever one of his brothers was hurt in a fight, the blame was entirely placed on Leo. And Leo always seemed so cool and controlled, the thought of him scared, with no one to turn to...It hurt Raph greatly.

"Leo..." Raph muttered, voice dismayed. He then buried his head into his hands. "Awh shell, _oniichan_...why didn' ya tell us..?"

* * *

Leo yawned as he entered the lair, having just returned from taking April home. He started for his room, but halted when he found his brothers all waiting for him in the livingroom. His eye-ridges furrowed, concerned when he saw their expressions.

"Guys? Is something wrong? I thought you'd all be in bed r something..."

"We need to talk." Don stated, making Leo blink, surprised.

"O...Kay?" Leo said slowly, raising an eye-ridge as he moved over to his brothers. "What's up?"

The three younger turtles exchanged a look, then Mikey took it upon himself to break the silence.

"We heard you talking to April, bro."

Leo paled slightly to a lighter shade of green, eyes widening.

"You...you guys heard?" He asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Don nodded.

"That's right."

Leo let out a shaky breath, running a hand over his head. His mind was reeling, grasping at straws for an excuse.

"G-guys, look," He gave a weak laugh, holding his hands out placatingly. "I...I was just joking! Really, I-"

"_Oniichan_."

Leo's voice faltered, and his eyes turned to Raph, the one who'd spoken. The red-banded terrapin looked at him evenly, eyes filled with, not anger, but sadness. His arms were crossed over his broad chest.

"Ya weren' jokin', Leo." Blue eyes turned down to the floor as the taller turtle walked forward. He placed a hand on Leo's shoulder, making him wince slightly. "Bro...why didn' ya tell us? Fer years an' years...ya went through so much, an' never tol' us, even when,"

Leo glanced up, and was shocked to see guilt flash through Raph's face. The younger terrapin swallowed before finishing.

"When we'd all tease ya when we was younga'."

Leo shook his head.

"Raph, it's fine-"

"No, it ain'!"

"Raph's right!" Mikey exclaimed. He then paused, surprise on his face while the others looked at him with equal shock. "Duuuude, I never thought I'd say that!"

Leo grinned, chuckling, while Raph growled and Don rolled his eyes.

"_Back t' th' poin'_." Raph said forcefully, turning his gaze to Leo once more. "We wanna know why ya didn' tell us!"

A moment of silence fell, then Leo gently shook off the hand on his shoulder, shuffling a few steps away. He didn't meet the eyes of his brothers, instead keeping his eyes locked on the floor.

"Because...I didn't want anyone to worry or...or think that I..."

He didn't continue, but Don understood where he was going, and finished for him.

"That you were complaining for no reason. Then we would've teased you is more."

Leo nodded.

"_Hai_."

"Oh man, bro..." Mikey whispered. He scampered forward, hugging Leo tightly, as only a worried little brother could. Leo was quick to return the hug, desperate for the reassurance that his baby brother wasn't mad.

Don made his way over, joining the family hug.

"You _baka_, you should've told us! We would've understood!" The brainiac scolded, lightly knocking his knuckles against the eldest turtle's plastron. He then smiled slightly, letting Leo hug him as well.

Raph sighed, them shuffled forward.

"Tell us next time, got tha'?"

Leo nodded silently, and Raph huffed, trying to keep his tough guy act as he entered the hug as well.

* * *

**Japanese translations!:**

**Hai = Yes**

**Arigato = Thanks/Thank You**

**Baka = Idiot**

**Oniichan = Big Brother**

**Genki Desu = I'm Fine/ I Am Fine**

**Shimai = Sister**


End file.
